Well, it appears 5 weeks of sheer indulgence has caught up with me. ;) I am updating my blog today to signify that I am going 'back on plan'.I have so much to tell you, where do I even start? The bottom line is that I've put on about 8 kg and am a total of 10 kg higher than my lightest weight during Cohens. 2 kg I put on before I left for France, and 6 kg I put on (pretty much in the first week) in France. Since then I've been yo-yoing up and down 2 or 3 kg depending on what I eat each day. I made a deal with myself that rather than panic, I'd enjoy the rest of my trip (and the food), and sort it out when I got back. Well, I've been back a week and have not had any luck so far in the 'sorting out' department. So, here I am.
You can see from the photo that the extra weight makes a big difference. It's not the most flattering angle for me but I feel bulky again and after feeling skinny for a while, bulky just doesn't work for me anymore!
I've been struggling a bit with the fact that it's not practical for me to go back on plan at the moment because of the number of social activities planned leading up to Christmas. I was so committed when on plan the first time, to the point where I didn't have any meals outside of what I made for myself for almost 5 months. Not only do I have Christmas/Social activities planned, but I always return to Adelaide and catch up with all of my family/friends over the Christmas break and it will be impossible to stay on plan, not to mention the fact that I just don't want to be at that point in time. So I've been half trying, allowing bits of this and that, and the day starts well and ends badly. So I'm going to try something new.
See, one of my biggest problems is that with diets (and in many other facets of my life), I only see black and white. That's why Cohen's worked so well for me - there were so many rules and I knew I couldn't bend them. Other diets, where I am given freedom to choose, I tend to fail at because I bend the rules too much and push it to the point where it doesn't work well. That's what I've been doing this week too.
So I am going to go 'back on plan' but inside of the commitment to honour myself, rather than the diet, while I am at it. What I want, is to get this nipped in the bud before it gets out of control again. I want to lose weight while still being able to catch up with friends and have a night out here and there and go to all of the Christmas lunches that are coming up without panicing about how I am going to bring my own lunch to the zoo on an upcoming work excursion. See, the fact that I have social activities planned was what was stopping me from going back on plan. Now I've decided to do it anyway, because hell, it's better being on plan for a month and having 5 social meals where I try to eat Cohen's friendly and have a couple of glasses of wine, than being off plan for a month and not getting anywhere. I accept that I am not 'doing it properly' and that it won't work as well, but I am going to use the structure to get myself back in control of my eating, and make it work for me. So here is what I am going to do:
1) Do 4 weeks of 'on plan' with weighing all food and obeying all the rules again; and
2) Start refeed on Sunday 4 December so I'm done by Christmas; with the following exception...
I will still attend Christmas/Social outings, as well as have dinner and drinks with my friends but I will make sensible choices.
The reason that I am writing this all out is because I need myself to understand that this is how I have planned it, and that there is no self-sabotage (or binging) required after a lovely (Cohen's friendly) meal and a couple of glasses of wine with a friend. I know that it will slow my weightloss, but I am choosing that over missing out for the moment. I've already been there and done the period of total sacrifice this year, so now I am going to try to make it work for me again and get used to normal eating again, after the crazy blow out of carbs galore in France. Cohen's is a great training program for the kinds of food that one should eat to maintain their weight, and I need to get back on that train right now before it leaves the station without me.
Wish me luck! I feel like I need it this time.
M. x
PS. I am actually terrified of posting this, because like I said, I have been trying to get on top of this for a week and to no avail. But I feel like I am more successful when I have to 'report in' to you guys, so I have to bite the bullet and trust in myself that I can do this again, despite the amout of times I've tried and failed this week!!!! xxx
PPS. I will put up more posts about France (and the food) when I get time, for now I just had to get this part sorted. ;)
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