Wednesday 31 August 2011

Cohen's Diet Refeed; Day 1... or... Welcome back bread, my old friend.

Well hello there! Can't believe I'm here. No, seriously. I started this diet with the firm intention that I get to refeed. I remember saying to my Mum, 'It's really important that I start and finish this diet properly, so that I can reintroduce all the foods properly so that my body learns how to deal with them again.' And here I am - doing just that. I remember absolutely panicking on the inside that this would just be another one of those diets that I committed to and never followed through with, and yet somehow I knew it would be different. I followed all my Landmarky principles and put measures in place to help pull me into the world of success - this blog being a huge part of it. Having to own up to you guys each week has been a huge help to me and I really appreciate that you all came along on this journey with me. :)

It's been an interesting few weeks. I got stuck at the same weight for about 3 weeks. I lost 0.5 kg twice and put on 0.5 kg once (my little binge fest) but I kept coming back to the same number. It's like my body just put the breaks on. So did my mind - I felt like I was going crazy. I kept walking around the supermarket with food I wasn't allowed to eat, having 20 minute conversations with myself (as I did the rest of my shopping) about how eating the non-allowed *yoghurt/nuts/dried fruit/fruit and nut bar* wouldn't make a huge difference, only to put it down on a random shelf just before I went through the checkouts. It was a strange time. I finally relaxed over the last few days, knowing that refeed was coming and that I'd soon be able to eat more food. Today is day 1 and I'm 0.5 kg lighter than I was at weigh in 2 weeks ago.

I had the most divine lunch - Mozzarella cheese with tomato and fresh basil on... wait for it... BREAD! White bread. Fresh from Bakers Delight - it was delicious! I notice how much I am loving simple food now. I'm starting to notice all of the junk and 'numbers' that are added into foods and wondering what food I can make myself so as to avoid it. I even brought my own yoghurt maker and am going to make my own yoghurt when this is all over.

I also noticed how quick I was to put myself down this week - I got my letter from Dr Cohen (the standard one you get when you get to refeed) which said, 'Dear Melanie, Congratulations on getting to your goal weight!' and proceeded to say what a great job I'd done. I immediately thought to myself that I was not that good since I didn't actually make it to the goal weight he gave me (I'm 9 kg away from the upper limit he set) and how I haven't done a very good job after all. Hello!!?? I've lost 24 kg. It's ridiculous how much weight I've lost. Who cares if I haven't finished - I'm stopping early to go to France - wooo-freaking-hooooooo!!!!!!!! I can come back and lose the extra 9 kg if I feel the need to, because, you know, I'm a person who CAN LOSE WEIGHT IF SHE WANTS TO! Maybe I won't even want to, because,  you know, I look pretty awesome right now!!! I walked into Guess on the weekend and fit into about 5 pairs of their size 12 jeans and looked fabulous! So yeah. That's all I've got to say about that. :)

So I enjoyed my blueberries with my yoghurt this morning and I loved my first slice of bread in 21 weeks. I have to weigh myself daily and add in various amounts of various foods over the next 18 days to a point where I am adding 3 pieces of bread, 2 fruits (that's 4 a day in total), extra meat and veg, pasta, rice, biscuits and wine. My food is going to double. Let's just hope my weight doesn't, he he.

I'll keep you posted. ;)

M. x

PS - I love purple cabbage.

Tuesday 23 August 2011

Confessions of a Binge-a-holic...

Hello, and welcome to this week's blog entitled, 'Confessions of a Binge-a-holic...' You may be wondering why I am blogging early (apart from the obvious connotations attached to the title). The main reason is that I have been banned from my scales and so I won't be weighing in this week. Why, I hear you ask? Well, it all started on Saturday morning....

*queue harp strum and scene change*

*Warning: This post may contain swear words.*       (sorry Daddy)

Saturday morning I got up and went to yoga as per usual. On the way home I had my final blood test for my Cohen's journey. This was my routine 20 week blood test (albeit a week early) so that Dr Cohen can put together my refeeding program, check that my kidneys are functioning and make sure that I haven't been cheating. I got out of the blood test, got in the car to drive home and instead of eating 2 crackers for morning tea like I normally do, I ate the whole packet (there were 4 in there). Then I went inside and ate another 4. Then I ate a kiwi fruit. Then I told myself off, did a few chores, and then went back and ate a mango and another 6 crackers. Why? Well... I don't know. I think I went a bit nuts. It was a good old-fashioned binge. Haven't had one of those in AGES! As you can imagine, I was quite annoyed at myself. I then went out for the evening with some girlfriends to celebrate my birthday and am pleased to say that I managed to stay 'deviation-free' for the rest of the evening. NO WINE! No McDonalds on the way home (I thought about it). Seemed like it had just been a temporary blip. I thought I was just rebelling given that I knew I wasn't going to be checked up on again after having my last blood test.

Anyhoo, Sunday was my birthday. I told myself, 'the best present you can give yourself is a deviation-free day.' After all, I really want to lose a bit of extra weight before refeed next week. Everything was ticking along fine until after dinner, when BAM! I felt like a little robot switch had been flicked in my head and I marched downstairs and proceeded to eat 3 crackers and some mango. Dammit.

I drew a line in the sand at that moment and declared that I was 'getting back on the bus' on Monday. I had the day off, no stress, and 10 days until refeed. I put little post-it notes all over the house with *10 days to go!* and made a commitment to myself that I was going to stick to it for 10 days as there is only 10 days left of the program. Things were great until about 4 pm when I ate the apple I had been saving for dessert. I started to get a little worried but thought that going to yoga would distract me. I came home, ate dinner, ate the cracker I'd saved for dessert, and then ate 3 small kiwi fruits, 4 crackers and a mango. Fuuuuuuuuuuuuuuucccccccccccccccccccck!

Needless to say that I am obviously having some sort of mid-diet-crisis. I rang the clinic this morning to have a chat to my wonderful Consultant (after, of course, calling my Mum!). I was expecting to cop an absolute bollocking but she was amazing (the Consultant; not my Mum - Mum is always amazing). My Consultant said that the first binge would have triggered the cravings for the last 2 days (once you overdose on carbs, you crave more carbs) and that I am obviously having a physical and mental block about losing weight (given I was the same weight all of last week until weigh in day and I'm now sitting on that weight again). Firstly, the mental block is just psychological around the usual self-sabotage and rebelling against pressure (France) and the physical - well, I haven't been this light since I was 18. She said my body is fighting against me by telling me that something is wrong and making me want to eat more. So instead of telling me to stick to my diet she has told me to eat more food. The idea being that my body will stop panicking about being thinner than normal and relax. So I am having my biggest meal at lunch now, with a bit of extra meat and veg, as well as an extra fruit. I am to do this for 7 days and during this time I am absolutely not allowed to weigh myself. She said I can't weigh until next Wed, but given refeed is on Thursday I will just wait until then. Bit scared about not knowing how I'm tracking, but all I can do is try and keep off those scales.

I am also a bit scared about having another binge tonight. I have saved 2 crackers and an apple so I'm going to make myself a nice dessert and hopefully I can control myself.

WISH ME LUCK! God knows I need it.

I should get my refeeding program in the mail by the end of this week so I might put up a blog about it, even if I don't weigh in. If not, I'll get back to you all next week.

M. x

PS - It's so hilarious that I thought I should mention; this week I've had cake shoved in my face about 12 times. I've managed to avoid eating the most divine smelling lemon cake, cinnamon tea cake, tim tams, tiramisu (OMG I LOVE TIRAMISU), chocolate croissants and WHITE CHOCOLATE MUDCAKE FROM THE CHEESECAKE SHOP (one of my favourites), and yet, I couldn't say no to kiwifruit, crackers and mangoes. Funny.

Thursday 18 August 2011

Cohen's Diet Weigh In; Week 19... or... Life's too short for shit crackers.

Well hello again! Week 19 - 0.7 kg and a grand total of 23.5 kg. Wow! I have 2 weeks until I start refeed. I want to lose an extra 2.6 kg and am not sure I will get there but most people lose a bit during refeed so I'm hoping I will too. :)

I have been absolutely fantasising about what I am going to eat when I am on maintenance. What will form part of my regular diet, what I will eat for treats, and boy oh boy, it's amazing how excited I am about toasted muesli. With dried fruit. And nuts. And yoghurt. Drool... Funny, the things I am excited about are not what I thought they would be. I thought I'd be busting to drink some champagne and eat some chocolate and bread, but it's all about the fruit. Oh and liquorice. Chocolate coated, I'm sure. Salmon with broccoli! Yum. I've been spending exorbitant amounts of time in the muesli aisle lately, and have decided that once I am on maintenance I will make my own muesli so I've spent hours formulating my recipe. HA! Not that I'm obsessed with food or anything...

I have also pretty much decided that I will go back on Cohen's when I have returned from France. This is for several reasons:

1) I'm sure I'll come back from France a little fatter than when I left;
2) I feel like I am stopping too soon and haven't finished yet;
3) I want to get back into the habit of eating in a Cohen-like fashion after 5 weeks of no control in France;
4) I am curious as to what weight my body will tell me to stop at;
5) I think it will work better after a bit of a break again; and
6) I do confess to hoping my thighs will get a bit smaller (even though I kinda like them now).

I think I will wait a week when I get back - pack in a few social catch-ups (with wine) and a night on the town (with wine) and then get back into it. It's such a good training program for good eating!

So - what do you think? Do you want me to keep up the blog if I do it again? Let me know if you want me to keep you informed or if you will be glad once it is over. ;) Please post some comments or email me!

As you may have gathered from the title of this post, I have switched back to the yummy crackers (as of today). I'd been eating low fat ones for about 3 weeks (thinking it might help) but now I've decided, life is too short for shit crackers! :) Both types are allowed on the program and I don't think it made a big difference so I've switched back to the tasty ones. Something had to give this week - I'm going to be celebrating my birthday by going out for a big night (sans wine) and going to see a movie in Gold Class (sans wine). Not to mention not being able to buy any snacks. Fancy that - birthday celebrations without using food or wine. Geez, miracles really do happen!!!
Hope you have a great week!

M. x

PS - This is a photo I took on Monday of this week. Thought you might like a visual update. I'll see if I can put up some before/after ones when I'm at the end - if I am brave enough! :)

Thursday 11 August 2011

Cohen's Diet Weigh In; Week 18.

Wow - week 18. That's just ridiculous, isn't it? 18 weeks with no bread, rice, pasta, alcohol, sugar, potatoes, chocolate... goodness me! This week I lost 0.8 kg which brings me to a grand total of 22.8 kg. Yay!

I guess I couldn't really expect a big week after last week's smashing effort, but I did eat some extra fruit this week when I was feeling sick with a headcold. It's quite difficult to tell if it made a difference though, given that I ate a bit of extra fruit last week also. I think I've also started to stress again a bit, which is a pain. So I'm not going to think about it too much and just try to focus on relaxation this week. I have a nice relaxing weekend planned and dinner with my lovely brother so I'm off to a good start.

Hope you all have a lovely week!

M. x

P.S - The photo is of the chicken 'noodle' soup I made myself when I was sick. Substituted cabbage for noodles and didn't even miss them!

Friday 5 August 2011

Cohen's Diet Weigh In; Week 17.

Gosh, the weeks are just cranking on by, aren't they? Hope you are all well and happy.

This week I lost 1.4 kg! That's more than the last 2 weeks put together. Grand total of 22 kg - woot!

What did I change? I think primarily the biggest change was that I stopped stressing. Being told I could start refeed on 1 September really gave me the freedom this week to relax and I think that was the biggest factor. I also reintroduced cheese this week so I know that doesn't affect my weight loss and I am going to keep (very enjoyably) eating it until the end.

This week I started a "Cohen's Truth Sheet", which is just something I made up to help me manage my fruit and crackers. I totally got that I hadn't been managing them well at all. In not setting aside my allowance each day I was allowing myself to eat extra crackers under the guise of forgetfulness. Non-intentional of course, but looking back over the day and forgetting the one at lunch or breakfast meant I was (assumedly) often having an extra one when I couldn't recall if I'd eaten one or not.

As for fruit, boy am I craving it. It has become the most attractive thing in the world to me, no doubt because of the sugar. I've had a bit of extra fruit a few days this week. Ok... I admit it... I actually had a bit of extra fruit on more than a few days this week... OK OK - you've twisted my arm! Even when recording it I may have inadvertently/accidentally on purpose eaten the odd extra cracker too. Sigh. Trust you to hold me to account and force it out of me!! ... Anyhoo, where was I? ... Oh that's right, there were 2 days that we had huge catered morning teas and I didn't beat myself up about eating extra fruit because I dodged all the cake and sausage rolls. I even had to work hard to dodge the watermelon and blueberries and pineapple that I'm not allowed to eat! But I am writing it down each day so at least I am aware of it. Then, if I look back at the end of the week wondering why I haven't lost much weight, I can see if I've behaved myself or not. Funny how I seem to forget if I have...

In other related news, I cleaned out my whole wardrobe this week. 5 hours of trying on everything I own; I was exhausted in the end! I can't tell you how good I felt. I have 2 gorgeous CUE suits that I used to wear when I worked in a law firm and I've never quite fit into the pants of one of them. They fit now! Almost all of the size 14 clothes that were in my wardrobe are now being given away. I am a definite size 12. There is nothing in my wardrobe that doesn't fit and it feels great! There were a few items of clothing I was sad to get rid of, but it's worth it!! It's funny - I'd been storing up all of my big clothes thinking I'd do a huge purge at the end and that it would be a therapeutic celebration and a bit of an emotional "dumping" of my old life, but I realised this week that I didn't have to get to the end to do that, in fact, I needed to do it RIGHT NOW! ... Or right then, more accurately. Having all those extra clothes hanging around all of a sudden became a huge weight of crap I needed to be rid of and so now I am feeling de-cluttered and excited about my (old) wardrobe. I know I will need to do it all again at the end, but it felt so good to dump a whole pile of "emotional" baggage at this point now. :)

Have a great week everyone!! I begin my quest again to have a deviation-free week this week.

M. x

PS - OK, so this week started badly with an extra half a serve of fruit yesterday. You got me. Gosh you really are persistent this week - wish me luck for the rest of it!!!!!!!!